Sadly, I haven’t always been as fortunate as now in terms of love. Even though my experience is not that extensive, somehow I still managed to meet some jerks on the road, or let’s not be that bitchy – some good boys who acted as jerks in particular situations. Is that better? And I am not the only one; my girlfriends’ stories have honestly left me speechless (those who know me are aware how hard is this to achieve). Some of the phrases we have heard just made me wonder what the hell the personas we went out with even thought. Luckily, I was granted with permission to reveal some of those ‘Tell them, boys, bye’ encounters. Just to make it clear, I am not trying to expose or humiliate the boys, but rather to expose the idiocy of their actions so they do not repeat them with someone else. Don’t worry, guys, both ours and your names are changed. And some of yours – happily forgotten, but your nonsense will be remembered by us for the years to laugh at 😉
Gosh, where should I start? Should I order the stories chronologically, or by the level of bulls*t? In fact, I will just list them randomly as it is too hard to give one of them 1st place.
When Harry promised to be there for Sally
Some time ago, when Sally was young, stupid and sunstruck, she had a short affair with Harry who back then seemed to have a nice body and some kind of a brain. Did she have a brain? That is another question. They had a few fun days together. A deception period followed, where she was misled to think something more can come out of it, but as it is not particularly interesting, I suggest we jump directly to the splitting up part as this is the precious moment. Sally and Harry went out for a walk so as to discuss whether there was any point of them seeing each other. As far as I am aware, they were not in love. However, after telling Sally how he had no feelings for her and it was not even close to what he used to have with his ex -girlfriend (for whom he apparently used to talk about in the most inappropriate moments) Harry then proceeded with telling Sally the following: ‘As I believe you are in love with me, I’ll be there for you…if you feel like having sex and there’s nobody to turn to. You should know that I promise to sacrifice myself for this and I’ll do you the favour’. …Poor Martyr, no wonder why Sally decided not to meet Harry anymore.
When Johnny stood up Connie
Ho-ho, the cliché case. Johnny was cute and passionate during the few times he and Connie went out, yet after that he somehow managed to stand her up 4 times in 3 consecutive days before she had to leave the country. He got sick, then he fell asleep, then something else happened. Boys, if you don’t want to meet a girl no big deal. Johnny’s I’ll call you again in half an hour and then I’ll actually write you a message in 5 hours saying ‘Sorry, I fell asleep, how can I compensate?’ seems unnecessary. But the peak of the story is yet to come as Johnny sent Conny a ‘Where are you? Come back!‘ message when she was already on the way to the airport. Shame on him, shame on her (for letting him stood her up 4 times)!
The how-much-I-suck. Ridge and Steffy (I am getting all Bold and Beautiful on you)
This story will be as short as the two character’s encounter. Ridge appeared to be a smart and cool person, but it was clear for her they did not have anything in common. I would not even include this one, hadn’t it been for Ridge’s motivational speech about how ‘She should sleep with him asap so she is aware from the beginning how much he sucks in bed and not build up any expectations’. I am not surprised she did not feel inspired to follow his recommendation.
The I-love-you-too-babe jacka*. Valery and Mark
Mark and Valery met at the pool. Mark invited Valery for a date, picked her up with his car, cooked her a nice dinner (so cute – rolling eyes), and showed off with his DJ-ing equipment and skills. Everything was going on well until his phone rang. Surprise, surprise…it was his girlfriend, ‘cuz c’mon who else would you tell ‘I am just having some leftovers dinner, babe. Call you later, babe. Love you too, babe‘. [This is so shady and pathetic, and unfortunately I know girls do it too. I do not get it though! If you truly love your person cheating is just humiliating both for you and for them, not to mention that the thought of hurting him/her should make you wanna vomit.] Anyways, I have listened to a more extreme version, when the girlfriend calls after something else than a dinner, but since I haven’t had a chance to ask for a permission on this one I am not going to proceed with it.
As this is getting too lengthy and I risk losing your attention any time now, I will finish up with:
When Ron broke up with Lavender and Hermione somehow ended up in between
It was summer and Hermione was at a resort with her school mates celebrating ‘their freedom’ after high school had officially finished (hahha naive creatures). Hermione went out with a few of her girlfriends to party. On the way to the club they met a friend of her friend Ginny who was called Ron. Ron and Hermione were introduced to each other. Couple of hours later they were dancing and then kissing. Then Ron disappeared and came back later only to tell Hermione he broke up with his girlfriend. You can imagine her surprise when, first, she learned he had a girlfriend, and second, when that girlfriend, let’s call her Lavender, actually showed up to pull him outside angrily. What was more shocking was that, Lavender turned out to be a girl from Hermione’s middle school. Hermione did not really feel guilty or something ‘cuz she had no idea Ron was in a relationship, not to mention that he was in fact dating an old classmate who was nice, yet a bit of crazy…so Hermione would not touch him had she known. However, she said she felt it was stupid to be put in such a situation where she appeared the reason for them splitting when there’s no chance she was. Anyways, how the story ends is a bit unclear as the bottle of wine got empty so my friend went to get another one.
As I said, I finish up now, not because I do not have more, but because I got tired and probably you too, my dear reader, if you stayed till the end. Guys, if any of you recognize himself in the stories, yes, it is entirely on purpose 😉