I’m at Waterstones Cafe again and I finally managed to get the nicest right-in-front-of-the-window table with the amazing view towards Princes Street Gardens and the Castle. I came here as the place always inspires me and triggers my writing creativity (and because I had a group meeting for a uni project but that’s not the point). It’s a sunny day, sunny for Edinburgh at least, so I feel quite upbeat, an unfortunately rare state of mine in the last couple of weeks. I am still getting used to the fact that my 22nd birthday was five days ago. It got me thinking about maturity and having to get a grip of my life and my future, which are somehow slipping between my fingers recently. To be honest, It’s been a while since I last felt like such an overall failure, which of course doesn’t help in maintaining my status quo of a positive smiley person.

Anyways, I have been so down that I have even forgot to thank my friends who made 27th January so special for me.That is why I will just do it here:

Guys, THANKS! If it wasn’t for you I would have probably slept the day through just to pretend for a while that I am still 21. Thank you for the wishes and good words, the bachata dances, the low-fat-for-sure chocolate home-made cake, the funny videos and the so-on-point presents. The best part was realising how loved and appreciated I am by the people I have chosen to be in my life.

I know that I’m only turning 22 and I’m not supposed to be worried about the age. And, in fact, growing old is not what bothers me. It is rather the feeling that I should have used this whole past time better, that I should have achieved more, laughed more, earned more, learned more, read more, danced more, kissed more. The cliché that time passes quicker in your adulthood is true! So it needs to be lived as fully as possible, which is actually easier said than done. In addition, it may sound ridiculous but I’ve always hated the number 2. And now I have double 2s and I have no idea what to do with them! Should I feed them more chocolate and wine, or shall I maybe take them to a healthy gym session?

Or maybe I should embrace them, cherish them? ‘Cuz next year they will be gone and the only thing that would be left will be the memories that we have created together…So I’d better go now and give my best to make some good ones.

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